America will celebrate Independence Day this Saturday. It feels like just yesterday we were all quarantined, wondering what fresh hell the government/world had in store for us. Oh right, it was just yesterday! And the day before yesterday, and the day before that! While we'll be stuck at home this weekend (or socially distancing at a restaurant, if your state/soul allows it), people are trying to make the most of the holiday the only way Americans know-how by buying a bunch of crap on Amazon ($AMZN).

Amazon's best sellers for this past week demonstrate the extent to which America is losing it. The restless 20-something, desperate for hobbies and distractions, purchases baseball cards and guitar strings. A paranoid grandma orders a spycam for next-day delivery. (She lives alone and heard something in the bushes the other night.) The blindly patriotic escapist buys up American flag masks, pool floats, and photos of Chuck Norris.

The list of Amazon's top ten best-sellers is about 100 items long, but we rounded up a selection of the products we found most interesting for the week leading up to the Fourth of July.


Category Rank (Avg)

Days Ranked

Face Mask, Case of 500



iHealth No-Touch Forehead Thermometer






4-in-1 Monterey Hammock Inflatable Pool Float



All-Purpose Liquid Dye, Apple Green



American Flag Outdoor Face Mask



Women's High Waist Workout Shorts



Scary Teacher 3D



Walker, Texas Ranger Photo: Chuck Norris with a beautiful sunset

2 1

Bunch O Balloons - 350 Rapid-Fill Water Balloons (10 Pack)

2.5 4

Mini Spy Camera 1080P Hidden Camera

6 4

Mike Tyson Bare Chested Training Boxing Gym Punch Bag HD Aluminum Wall Art

6 1

We're getting into the thick of summer. People are still ordering masks in bulk despite the heat, which is a relief. The color of 2020 tie-dye season is apparently "apple green." Kids are playing with water balloons and women are trying to get their bikini bodies. Chumps are looking to Chuck Norris for strength. Nature is healing. Runner-up best selling products include dog training treats and poop bags, TurboTax software, Bob Dylan's new album, black cherry sparkling water, exercise resistance bands, car windshield sunshades, and diapers.

I leave you with this, a clip from Amazon's number two best-selling product, Scary Teacher 3D.

About the Data:

Thinknum tracks companies using the information they post online - jobs, social and web traffic, product sales, and app ratings - and creates data sets that measure factors like hiring, revenue, and foot traffic. Data sets may not be fully comprehensive (they only account for what is available on the web), but they can be used to gauge performance factors like staffing and sales.

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